Burn in Hell You Rotten Trees

"This parrot is no more. He has ceased to be. He's expired and gone to meet his maker. He's a stiff. Bereft of life. He rests in peace....His metabolic processes are now history. He's off the twig. He's kicked the bucket. He's shuffled off his mortal coil...This is an ex-parrot."

-Monty Python

I'd like to think that I have respect for the environment. I certainly enjoy all of the beauty that nature has to offer. The green grass, a babbling brook, and the fall foliage are all wonderful phenomenons that should be honored and cherished by everyone.

But when a damned tree is getting in the way of my golf game, I say cut the sucker down!

A little while ago, New York experienced a hurricane. (More of an windy rain storm but still very scary.) And as a result of this tempest, a couple of trees fell victim to its awesome might. Most specifically, trees on the 3rd, 7th, and 14th holes.

I honestly don't remember the tree on the 3rd hole. I don't recall it ever being in my way. But hey, one less tree for me to worry about. Buh-Bye.

The tree on the 7th didn't actually fall down but rather one of the limbs did. It was a massive tree limb that I always seemed to find a way to hit my ball into. I will not mourn for it.

But the tree on the 14th hole was the doozy. This is the tree whose grave I will be dancing on. This was the tree that has caused nothing but problems since the golf course was created. It was ugly and mean. It was cruel and harsh. It was stingy and unforgiving. And now it's gone.

First off, it was gigantic. I mean GIGANTIC. Second, and more importantly, it was practically planted in the middle of the fairway. (Which, for you non-golfers, is a really fucked up place to put a tree.) You could literally hit an amazing shot that could end up out of bounds because of that tree. And even if you hit a good tee shot that didn't hit the tree, your second shot had to magically go around the tree. (Seriously, you had to actually invoke the power of magic. They sold eye of newt in the Pro Shop specifically for that purpose.)

To conclude, I do not miss that tree and I am not sad to see it go. Its death has made the 14th hole much, much, much, much, much easier to play.

The only downside is that I now have to come up with a new excuse for why I play that hole so poorly.