Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Shut the (bleep) up! (Revisited)

The first time I wrote an entry on this phenomenon, these types of violations almost immediately ceased to be an issue. I don't know what it was. Maybe word got out how much I hate receiving unsolicited golf lessons. But recently, there have been a couple of people that didn't get the memo. And it has really pissed me off. So here's yet another rant on how people need to keep their pie-holes shut when I'm trying to play golf. (Albeit terribly).

A week ago, there was this guy who kept telling me that I had a "hitch" in my swing. He wasn't necessarily trying to give a lesson or tell me how to correct it, he just kept saying that it was happening. So I let it slide (Big Mistake). On the last 2 holes, he proceeded to stand in front of me to see if I was doing it. What a fucking asshole.

I would also like to point out that this guy had the ugliest swing that I had the misfortune of witnessing in my entire life. Sadly, he still scored better than me but not by much.

In retrospect, I realized that in failing to address that issue in the moment, I was announcing to the world that it was okay to just say whatever the fuck you wanted to say to me whenever and however the fuck you wanted to say it.

Yesterday was the biggest doozy of them all. I mean this guy that I was playing with was a Grade A douchebag. He seemed like a nice enough guy at first. In fact, if he had just kept his advice to himself, I would have totally enjoyed playing with him. But that's a big motherfucking if.

It started out fine. He was an excellent golfer and for the most part he kept to himself. Then at the 3rd hole after I missed Par putt, he said, "You're going too far back on your backswing."

Uh oh.

Once again, I let it slide. In life, like in golf, I keep making the same mistakes over and over again. Maybe one day I'll get it right.

Then on the 7th hole is when it got obnoxious. I went to putt and he's standing in front of me and watching to "see what I'm doing" so that he can comment on it. As I was standing next to the ball, I was making a couple of practice swings with my right hand only. This is a nice way to get a feel for the speed of the putt (Please stay awake). So then Asshole says, "Let me see you put your left hand on the club." Instead of telling him to go fuck himself, I deliberately walked away from the putt as if to read the line.

Personally, I thought that was a very clear gesture of passive-aggressive behavior. That I was saying politely, yet firmly, "I'm not listening to you." But he just stood there and waited to give me his unsolicited opinion.

I then said to him, "I take it you're a golf pro." He replied, "No, but I like to pretend to be." We all had a nice little laugh and he seemed to keep his opinions to himself after that.

Side note: I would also like to point out that on the back 9, this excellent golfer's game began to completely unravel. I wasn't happy about it, I'm just pointing it out...Okay, I was a little happy about it.

But then came the 18th hole. I hit a bad shot off the tee. Guess what? It's golf. That tends to happen. Douchebag says to me, "You quit on it."

Okay, it's the 18th hole. The last hole of the day. He had been okay up to this point so I'm going to let this slide and just ignore it.

This fucking asshole then says, "Do you know what I mean when I say you quit on it?"

Who THE FUCK did this FUCKING guy THINK he was to FUCKING talk to me in that FUCKING condescending and FUCKING obnoxious tone?! All of a sudden I'm supposed to be his 5 year-old grandson who doesn't know what words mean?! I would also like to point out that he had just hit HIS tee shot on the 15th fairway. And since we were on the 18th hole, you can guess that that's not where he was aiming. I truly wanted to strangle this man at this point.

However, instead of an Assault and Battery charge, I responded with a very loud and abrupt outburst, "I GAVE UP ON THIS GAME A LONG TIME AGO!" I was trying to be funny but I was just clearly outraged...at him...and he knew it. His response, "I was just trying to...I'm sorry."

At the end of the round, we parted company with a civil handshake.

So now I've decided that I will no longer rant on how other people need to shut the fuck up about my game. I cannot control what other people do. I can only control myself and my actions. However, if this situation happens again, I will not be cordial about it. I will not be passive-aggressive about it. In fact, I will be downright rude, make the other person incredibly uncomfortable, and possible threaten him with physical violence. The fact of the matter is that people like that simply don't get it. They have no interest in making sure that anyone else is comfortable. They are inconsiderate. And you have to be clear right up front. Otherwise, you will be upset for the rest of the day and ultimately have an outburst anyway. And then YOU end up looking like the asshole.

And seriously, isn't this game hard enough? Doesn't the game itself cause enough stress?

If I don't protect my own peace of mind, no one will.

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